Concerto Crazy.

I’ve found myself having a sudden fascination for violin. For the past couple of days, I’ve been listening to Hilary Hahn’s renditions of Bach’s Partita No. 3, Partita No. 2, and Sonata No. 3. I even bought 13 violin concerto and orchestra CDs. I’ve even been contemplating buying myself a violin and hiring a teacher to give me lessons (searched eBay too). I know that I’m 23, and it’s a little late to become a virtuoso of any kind, but I’d like to at least know how to play. It would be a shame not to learn it at all. When I was young, I joined band in elementary school, although I’m still not sure why. I took on the clarinet, and I became quite proficient, but for some strange reason, I just stopped going. I guess I didn’t have anybody to drive me properly.

Which brings me to another topic. I hate my father. I don’t hate him because he’s my father, but because he’s a terrible person. He has good intentions, I’m sure, but he never shows his feelings. He never talks about them until you provoke him and push him over the edge, and even then, he only shows his anger and frustration. He never acts like he cares. He never offers encouragement or anything like that. He did give me the words of advice on many an occasion, but more out of responsibility than caring. Although my dad has words of respect for his own (late) father, he never has anything great to say about my grandfather. I fear all too much that my father is nothing but a by-product of Chinese traditions. Being coddled by my mother as a child (as well as now), I took more on her traits, which is why I lean more towards my gentler side than my tough side. I avoid confrontations like the plague. However, when I get angry, I become more and more like my father. I’m even taking on some of his annoying habits. I don’t mind, but I would like to leave this town before I become a complete clone of him. The more I stay here, the more I become him. The other night, we both got into a silly argument. They say that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Some might observe that in my case, the apple can magically leap up to touch the branch from which it hung.

I’m trying to adopt Buddhism into my life. I want to learn violin. I want to become more peaceful with myself. I don’t want to become the fiery ball of wrath and unreasonability that is my father. I want to embrace life. Sure, I’ll get angry sometimes, but I’d rather not get angry all the time. Which is …well …at least once a day. I’m not proud of that. My blood pressure rises when I just THINK about my father. I love him, but I hate who he is. Can you explain it? I certainly can’t.

I won’t even go into how much he irritates my aunt and mom too. If I could, for Mother’s Day today, I’d get him out of their hair for the day. It’s too bad that we own a restaurant that is about to see one of its most busiest days of the year.

Well, I’m off to work. Hopefully, it won’t be a disaster as always. I’ll just play the Gavotte en Rondeau (my favorite piece of the Partita No. 3) in my head and chant the Daimoku in my head. Maybe we can get past this day without any trouble. じゃまた！

---

Hey, if you’re reading this, that means you have stuff to sell me! Hehehe. I’m currently looking for mint, unopened copies of the following CDs – Hamasaki Ayumi: KANARIYA (Japan Version), and Hamasaki Ayumi: appears (Japan Version). If you wish to sell these CDs or you’re thinking about it, then don’t hesitate to e-mail me if you have any questions. Please note that we will conduct business arbitrarily through eBay, using PayPal as the payment medium. Thanks for looking!