RantFict #5: Chinese Take-Out

Hidetoshi was standing in the basement, looking around. GLAY was sitting at one of the computers, browsing the web. Tric was playing SSX Tricky and quoting everybody. Heihachi, however, was nowhere to be seen.

Hidetoshi: Umm… what the hell? Where’s Heihachi?
GLAY: (While staring at the monitor.) Gone.
Hidetoshi: Where?
GLAY: Work, I think.
Hidetoshi: Is that even possible? Why would there be a RantFict when he’s at work?
GLAY: Because he’s typing up on Ami-chan, his laptop.
Hidetoshi: I guess that explains it.
GLAY: Yep. (Clicks his mouse.)
Hidetoshi: Hey, I’ve got an idea!
GLAY: (Sympathetically.) Aww, did that hurt?
Hidetoshi: (Flatly.) うるさい。
GLAY: Anyway, your idea?
Hidetoshi: Let’s go visit Heihachi at work!
GLAY: Do we have to?
Tric: (While jumping wildly in between Hidetoshi and GLAY.) Big air opportunity coming up! (Smacks into a metal pole.) Owwie owwie owwie…
Hidetoshi: (Smirking at GLAY.) …
GLAY: Well, I think that’s a fine idea!

After hopping into GLAY’s car, they arrived at the Wonton Place Chinese restaurant in due time. Well… almost.

Hidetoshi: Why, oh, WHY did a five-minute trip take us half an hour?!?!
GLAY: Hey, I don’t make the rules, I just break ’em.
Hidetoshi: Which includes stopping every minute to ‘holler at the chicks’?
GLAY: You catch on quickly, young Jedi.

They walked into the restaurant, and Heihachi came out of the kitchen with a grin on his face.

Heihachi: Hey, what’s up, guys? (Hayashibara Megumi suddenly starts playing in the background.)
Hidetoshi: I could ask the same of you.
Tric: Whoo-hoo whoo-hoo whoo-hoo! (Starts pulling off tricks on the metal bars.)
Heihachi: (Demonically with flames coming out of his mouth.) (“You brought HIM along?!?!?!”)
GLAY: We had no choice, man. Do you really want to come back and see snow and ice all over the basement?
Heihachi: (Makes a face.) He tried that AGAIN?
Hidetoshi: Yeah. (Slumps down in depression.) What the hell are we gonna do with him?
Heihachi: (Pulls out a stick and jumps over the counter, unleashing his wrath of hell upon Tric.) DIE!!!
Hidetoshi: (With a blank look on his face and a tear drop on his head.) Uhh… I guess we could do that too…
Heihachi: (Quickly grabs Hidetoshi’s tear drop.) Thanks! (Stabs Tric with the edge of the tear drop.)
Tric: (Screaming in agony.) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGH, etc.™!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Heihachi: (While dusting his hands.) Much better.
Hidetoshi: Err… d00d, you just committed murder there.
Heihachi: I’m a RantFict character and so was he. Who’s gonna convict me?
Police Officer: (Suddenly appearing.) A RantFict police officer, of course.
GLAY: Whoa. Busted.
Tric: (Slowly standing up.) It’s okay… I’m alive.
Police Officer: Oh. Later. (Leaves.)
GLAY: Yo, Tric, you really okay?
Tric: (Dusts himself off.) Yep.
Hidetoshi: H-he’s talking normally!!!
Heihachi: Whoa!
Potted Plant: (In the corner.) Holy crap!
Tric: Thanks for the life-threatening pummeling there, Heihachi. I had an electrocution accident last month before I met you guys, and as a result, I was infused with the power of my PS2 and the SSX Tricky game, but it fried my brain. Looks like your senseless beating of violence did the trick and snapped me out of it.
Heihachi: Umm… no problem?
Tric: Anyway, now that I’m back to normal, I’ll have an order of chicken balls and some fried rice.
Heihachi: (Suddenly standing behind the counter and taking the order.) And that’s everything?
Hidetoshi: (Falls over.) S-so fast…!
GLAY: <KA-BOOM!> (An explosion sends him flying through the front window.) YOW!! <CRASH!>

Minutes later, everybody was seated in the car, on the way back to Heihachi’s house. Tric was busy eating his Chinese take-out from the Wonton Place.

Hidetoshi: So… what happened today?
Heihachi: I had some extra time and decided to write today’s RantFict at work yesterday.
Hidetoshi: Oh… so, in fact, today is actually yesterday, which would make today tomorrow, and tomorrow the day after that, and so on and so on.
GLAY: (Swerves off the road due to holding his head in agony.) My… brain… hurts!!
Heihachi: Hey, watch the road, GLAY!
GLAY: Whoa! (Swerves back on to the road, mauling down several pedestrians in the process.) Whew! Under control.
Voice: (From outside.) Oh my god! All these bodies!
Hidetoshi: Where’d you learn to drive anyway?
GLAY: (Grins.) DC.
Tric: Washington?
GLAY: Crazy Taxi.
Heihachi: Makes sense.

Eventually, they miraculously arrived at Heihachi’s house without any further incident. They all sat in the basement’s living room, surrounding Tric.

Heihachi: So… what’s your story?
Hidetoshi: Yeah, you mentioned something about gaining the powers of your PS2 and SSX Tricky, yet you’ve only been able to pull off a few easy tricks.
Tric: Well, I was brain fried, remember?
GLAY: He’s got a point.
Tric: Anyway, that was the terrible cost I had to pay for gaining my new abilities. Now that I’m back to normal, I can now use my abilities at will.
Hidetoshi: Can you demonstrate for us?
Tric: Sure. (Pulls off several gravity-defying uber tricks without any problem.) Satisfied?
Everybody Else: Whoa.

After shaking off the initial shock, Heihachi sat down at his computer while GLAY battled DATOR on another computer. Tric went to play Devil May Cry (a different game, for once!) while Hidetoshi took his seat beside Heihachi.

Heihachi: Hey, did I mention that I received my Archos MP3 Jukebox last week?
Hidetoshi: Well, you told me, but not the readers.
Heihachi: You get what I mean.
Hidetoshi: It’s still cool.
Heihachi: Yep. I also bid on a violin on eBay, as well as a few other goodies. Check out my shopping list below.
Hidetoshi: (Looks at the shopping list.) Oh, hey. Cool.
Heihachi: Since I like to buy online a lot, I decided to include a shopping list and an event list in every rant instead of telling the readers what I bought or did.
Hidetoshi: Smart idea. That way, you can concentrate on this RantFict.
Heihachi: Which is over, by the way.
Hidetoshi: It is?
Heihachi: (With an enigmatic grin.) It is NOW.

つづく。

Hidetoshi: That kind of power can get to your head.
Heihachi: (Smirks.) I know.

My Event List

• Today is the exact one-year anniversary of my official homepage, MugenHAN.com (formerly known as JGirlChaser.com)!
• Got contact information for a person who teaches violin in town
• Patrick helped out to install my ExpressVu dish. w00t!
• Updated JGirlz omake with a new theme
• Downloaded many episodes of Invader Zim
• Received Archos MP3 Jukebox Recorder 20 after a three month wait. Finally!
• Finally downloaded entire first episode of Kanon after two weeks on KaZaA! Yay! (KaZaA sux0rz, by the way, IMHO)
• Got rid of KaZaA and replaced it with Grokster. うれしー！
• Still waiting for my ラブひな Again DVD… はやく…
• Never got my Mahoromatic DVD! ひどい！
• Received 浜崎あゆみ Maxi CD singles

My Shopping List

• 1 New Student Violin with Bow, Case, Rosin, etc.
• 1 Import Sega Saturn System
• 1 Import Sentimental Graffiti Saturn Game
• 2 はぎわらまいしゃしんしゅ
• 1 はぎわらまい Platonic Love DVD
• 1 URECCO January 2002 ざっし
• 1 あゆかわあみしゃしんしゅ
• 1 Snow Drop Wallscroll
• 1 How to Draw Manga ほん
• 1 Black and White Manga Ink Set
• 1 Wooden Manga Mannequin
• 1 Nikko Free-Size Manga Pen with Pen Nibs
• 1 Tachikawa Round Pen Holder with Pen Nibs
• 1 Manga Curve Templates

My Wish List

• カードキャプターさくら DVD TV Box Set
• カードキャプターさくら DVD Movie Box Set
• あいまいみい！ストロベリーエッグ DVD TV Box Set
• Final Fantasy: U DVD TV Box Set
• Snow Drop PC れない Game
• プリンセスメーカー Saturn れない Game
• マジックナイトレアース Saturn Game
• らんまにぶんのいち Anything-Goes Martial Arts DVD TV Box Set
• らんまにぶんのいち Hard Battle DVD TV Box Set
• Plextor PlexWriter 16x10x40 Drive
• Any ol’ DVD Drive over 16x Speed
• NEC Multisync 19″ Black Monitor
• Sound Blaster Audigy Card